Book club

 I've been reading more lately & just finished Shogun about feudal Japan (I am a geek) the book is awesome but in it they treat death as a method to cope with guilt & shame. Jez wrote to me about it and how we deal with guilt & got me thinking. 

My sister also wrote a blog recently about how native American cultures deal with guilt and how they are about restoration rather than just guilt or revenge or getting even like prison, Spanish inquisition or death etc... They have to restore relationships as a priority rather than living on in guilt.The main consequence of sin in our culture is guilt which is not a biblical response and can often be self indulgent and lead to no actual action. A biblical response is to say sorry, repent and rejoice. mlk said something like 'the only contribution I make to my salvation is the sin which god graciously takes away'. The point is not to run round intentionally sinning but given that we know we will sin, it is far more liberating to live in forgiveness than in guilt. We live with guilt and inadequacy rather than resolving the issues or more straight forwardly giving it to God. Forgiveness is a full stop rather than a comma. (i gotta confess i just thought of that sentence and am pretty proud of myself!) I love how different the Japanese culture is though & how you can see truth and biblical principles in different cultures. makes you check which of your own beliefs are biblical and which are cultural I wonder if guilt and revenge are for more cultural than we think?

Gimmie a year and I spect I will have read another book to scribble about.

http://growandbegrown.blogspot.com/2011_05_01_archive.html (My sister's blog on said topic, although given she accounts for about half my readership it may be i slightly pointless link!)

hangover

It's been a while, I don't think I am gonna make much of a regular blogger! When Rach is well maybe I will blog a more natural light hearted blog, for now I find blogging too much leads me to wallowing & over thinking so apologies but this is another blog about our journey with mr cancer.

Rach is off to London for 4 weeks to have a bone marrow transplant & it will take up to a year to recover from this, the side effects are pretty grim but the alternative is grimmer. It is a frightening time but this blog is about it's hangover, the way it will change us after it is done (I have no idea in fact but this is what i think / hope it will). You can have a say in what hangover you get and set the tone for it while you are going through stuff by setting habits in behaviour and thought. While Rach is in hospital I shall be mostly in Eastbourne looking after Noah so I will obviously get through it as Noah will need me but I want to rise to it & not just survive it.

A friend said that once this time was done I would soon return to how I was. That actually made me quite angry as I don't think is, or should be, true. I am changed already and mostly in a permanent manner. The issue is which of these changes are positive and which are negative? Over the next 2 months I need to feed and encourage the positive and obviously limit the negative. Rach won't be ill one day and we need to live like that not fragile or cautious. I know people who's hangover from illness and suffering can take longer to recover from, and be more damaging than the illness /suffering had ever been. I know I will be more confident, have a better understanding of life & be far more decisive as these things have been essential to surviving thus far. Clues to spot over the next few weeks as to how I am coping will be - have I been running? Has anything been washed? (including me) Have I used up all my dominos pizza vouchers? If I can achieve these I think my mind is probably coping if not I am probably not. I intend to not just get through this but to continue to use to it to our advantage in any possible way. It will not only fail to destroy us it will make us!!