I am in no way a natural athlete, I lack co-ordination and my eyes look in 2 different directions at the same time. As such I have never valued winning as a matter of self-preservation, and i get annoyed on sports day that winning is so important most likely because my sole aim would be to not be noticed and certainly not thinking about winning. I was wrong - winning matters, grim determination in defeat is better than laughing, not trying and conceding without a fight.
In trying to work out what has happened over the last few months I have had to fight a battle that has to be won on so many levels. I believe that when God promised all things work out for good that was not for this world but the next, that in this world God promises not to make our lives easy but only that he will hold our hand through what we do have to go through. God has been quiet and Rach is not yet through this but whatever happens I WILL win, and God will still be a good God. I will listen for God coughing in the background and I will see the small flicker when it seems dark. I have had lots of people recently asking me how I can still have faith to which I say that this is the first time I have needed it so to lose it now wouldn't show much fight. I look forward to life being more straight forward, but i will take the desire to win in life from this, as well as so many other things, some good, some maybe less so but winning or at least genuinely trying to matters
Anyhow I should get back to my manly evening in, with a glass of port, a bubble bath, a book, Downton abbey!
adieu
