some thoughts

as man stares into the abyss he finds his true self. To never have the abyss in front of you is to miss out on what you don't want and what you do want, a life of banality instead of one of challenge, understanding and hope. People ask how i cope with Rach being so ill and i always reply that there is simply no alternative but I know there is. I guess my true self is a blind optimist and this is my most effective defence.

 Rach's recovery is like driving out of a forrest and finding that there is a path out that is slowly becoming firmer and will eventually become a road. It is still a bit craggy at the moment and is not as smooth as many seem to think. We know she will make it but the smooth road is in the distance. I am helped daily by a few recurring thoughts, some are genuine and some have to be trained into my head.

1. This is for good - I wrote this up in 'there's gold in them there hills' but i have to remember that we are the lucky ones (I don't mean i'm happy with it as it sucks just that I know this ends up good, like in a good film where the plot has to go pear for the end to be better)
2. Get on with things - there is a limit on our time and there are things that if we want to do them, should be done (I'm going for stuff like 'learn French','visit Japan', 'read and finish a book by a Russian author' I'm not meaning anything too hedonistic)
3. Prioritise - people throw so many cliche's around and will always say they don't put their career first but actually the lure of power, money or just wanting people to 'hey you are good at your job' is something of a niggler and only creeps up on you so you don't always see it coming.
4. Focus on compassion for others above the need for compassion for yourself - hey if i could get this one to stick and make it my stock response i think it'd be amazing but this situation is really helping me learn this.